Category Archives: punny

Nothing Else Matters but a good pun

jerith, Voyager, netgate and myself thrashed out a very punny heavy metal conversation about Metallica today – here it is in marked-up glory.

Netgate: <3 the S&M version of Nothing Else Matters
* Jerith nods.
Pkeike nods as well
colin: man everyone is listening to Metalica lately
colin: including me
* netgate always listens to metallica
Netgate: just, selectively
Kim: I was too, a few minutes ago
* Jerith listens to more Bach.
* Voyager also listens to Bach
Voyager: Metallica wins this round...
Kim: you don't want to be picking fights with Metallica
Kim: they have a huge gorilla who plays the bass
Voyager: No, doing so would be unforgiven.
Kim: Voyager: aside from it being unforgiven, they may well up the anti and decide it's Killing Time
Jerith: If you beat them, though, you'd be the Hero of the Day.
Kim: given their bassist gorilla, beating them is probably a Thing that Should Not Be
Kim: although, once you'd done so you could Turn the Page and move on
Jerith: Of course, you'd have to be somewhat insane to consider it. I'd recommend a lobotomy to save them the trouble -- I've been taking a Crash Course in Brain Surgery.
Kim: that probably alters your eating patterns. Do your subjects become Breadfans?
Jerith: Kim: No, I'm a better Master of Puppets than that.
Jerith: The only real side effect is a moderate case of Motorbreath.
Kim: clearly this is not the busiest week - Tuesdays Gone already and we're debating One of the most impossible items we've ever discussed. We must be Stone Cold Crazy
Jerith: I've been waiting on database stuff a lot. I can't really do much Until it Sleeps.
Jerith: Why is the rest of the gang not joining in this Devil's Dance?
Kim: do you think they will? I hope you're not waiting for the Day that Never Comes
Voyager: I Disappear
Jerith: You're just worried they might be Better Than You...
Kim: perhaps they're otherwise occupied. Too much Whiskey in the Jar
Jerith: Am I Evil? I always just ascribe the worst motives to their non-participation.
Kim: I prefer to be more generous, more of a Loverman if you will. I think maybe they're just waiting for the thread to Die, Die (my Darling)
Jerith: I keep wanting to work "Sympathy for the Devil" in. Maybe it's the reference to Blitzkrieg that does it.
Netgate: my luck's about as good as you could get with a No Leaf Clover, so I may have to be counted out
Netgate: even if that leaves me Unforgiven
Kim: You can't bring in "Sympathy for the Devil"! That's a different band - it could lead to Civil War. Someone will end up Knocking On Heavens Door
Jerith: Too Late, Too Late. Unforgiven's already been used.
Jerith: If you're going to start rhyming again, I'll make you Jump in the Fire...
Voyager: The Memory Remains of that, Jerith?
Netgate: let's just launch him to Orion
Kim: hopefully you'll just pass out though, and it will be the clue to "Enter Sandman"
Voyager: Bitter like Cyanide I bet.
Jerith: I've always been partial to Astronomy.
Voyager: Sad but True
Netgate: oh, The Struggle one must choose...
Jerith: Although I'm seldom awake enough at the Small Hours.
Kim: this is taxing my ability to work from memory alone. I had to look a few titles up. The More I See now the easier it should get
Jerith: That's hardly the right Attitude to bring to this, Kim.
Kim: The Wait before I started looking names up was quite difficult though. It was like a little Creeping Death - it gave me a headache
Kim: I've been Fuelled with new ideas
Jerith: Memory a bit of a Fixxer upper? You must be getting old...
Kim: Mama Said I'm not old yet, so no, I'm not
Jerith: Don't think you can Slither out of it that easily...
Kim: Age is merely in the Eye of the Beholder, after all. Wherever I May Roam, I remain youngish

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The atmosphere was electric!

jerith, voyager42 (Voyager below), Jonathan McKeown and myself had the most pun-filled conversation that I’ve had in ages over Jabber IM recently: here it is in marked up glory. Everything is related to electricity, software or both – if you get all the puns you’re as sad as the four of us are 🙂

Kim: from a recent facebook posting from a friend:
Kim: FirstGuy wants to be a transformer
Kim: Comment from SecondGuy: "You'll have to step up"
Jerith: Wrap a bunch of wire around him and apply a large current?
Kim: What a shocking thing to say!
Jerith: Doesn't my suggestion charge your enthusiasm?
Kim: well, it certainly has potential
Jerith: I'm happy to field questions...
Kim: on the current topic only?
Jerith: I'm not resistant to other topics.
Kim: well then, let's conduct an interview
Kim: perhaps I can induce you to let on more than you should
Jerith: I was about to suggest an inductance process for new partners.
Voyager: Make sure they're not bi-polar
Kim: sounds great - I'm amped about this idea
Jonathan: This conversation is rapidly exceeding my capacitance for puns
Jerith: Jonathan: That makes you an impedance to our plans.
Jonathan: Right that's it - I'm going ohm
Kim: Watt did we say?
Voyager: He hasn't the energy for this
Voyager: He should rather go home and re-charge
Jonathan: I'm going to do a volt-face and stay here
Jonathan: the atmosphere's dielectric
Voyager: Seems a bit static now
Kim: now you're alternating!
Jerith: Was that comment directed at me?
Voyager: That hertz
Kim: At least I only make such comments periodically
Voyager: Perhaps. It was a bit direct, currently
Kim: Imagine what RMS would have had to say
Jerith: Are we integrating him into this circuit now?
Kim: only discretely
Jonathan: he'd probably leave in a fit of pique-to-pique
Jerith: What LED to this decision?
Jerith: I'm sure we can rectify his errors...
Jerith: It should only require a half-wave on our part.
Voyager: Assuming he rates us highly.
Jerith: I thought diode more to his philosophical legacy than I actually do.
Jerith: So perhaps I should be insulated from that particular debate.
Jerith: Can you guys conduct it in my absence?
Kim: perhaps we should avoid such a debate - it can be quite polarising
Voyager: I understand. It may cut too close to the core for comfort.
Kim: little positive can come of it
Jerith: And certain parties have been known to oscillate wildly between viewpoints.
Kim: with remarkable frequency
Jerith: As has been made crystal clear already.
Jonathan: yes, not just two-faced but sometimes three-phased
Voyager: I prefer to be neutral in such situations.
Voyager: Apologies for the delay, my train of thought was just interrupted.
Jonathan: You should take the bus
Kim: that's often not on real-time though
Jonathan: Apparently it even has a bar - the bus-bar
Voyager: Not to worry, the Signal-to-Noise ratio is much better now.
Jerith: The power of public transport to damage schedules is unparalleled.
Voyager: Because it's all serial, not to mention last in first out.
Kim: at least the routes are fairly linear
Voyager: I will have to be excused...I'm getting an upgrade.
Jerith: And I must sadly return my energy to work matters. :-/
Kim: taking a break from this endless circuit?
Jerith: That was more pun than I've had in ages.
Jonathan: yes, you're all such live wires

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Dragged in by Boris the (web)Spider

I posted an IM message to a chatroom a while ago, and the ensuing conversation was so funny I’ve reproduced it here for the enjoyment of my legions of readers. jerith and voyager42 were the other guys Who took part.

rooijan: An internal email: “Good Afternoon The who has taken the big Stapler from the finance dept. could you PLEASE RETURN it ASAP” Roger Daltrey is here? Anyone have anything I can ask Pete Townshend to sign?

voyager: I’ll bring my camera phone.

** jerith grins.

rooijan: it’s probably a typo though and I got so excited the last time she made a mistake, I think I’ll skip it. I Won’t Get Fooled Again

voyager: touché

jerith: I’m trying to work “Pinball Wizard” or “Pictures of Lily” into the conversation, but failing.

rooijan: the best I’ve got left is that I’ll wander over and pretend to be unimpressed by crying out “Who Are You” and maybe reinforce that by Mooning them

voyager: jerith: It’s Hard to work arbitrary album names into the conversation.

** jerith groans.

voyager: It just is. I Can’t Explain it

rooijan: Substituting the titles in is quite tricky, yes sometimes inspiration strikes though, and it’s Pure and Easy

voyager: Did you hear the old-timer’s version of My Generation on Radio 2000?

jerith: I’ll come up with A Quick One soon, though.

jerith: I didn’t.

rooijan: You Better You Bet I did

voyager: That one could be seen a mile away with the Naked Eye.

rooijan: only if you were The Seeker

jerith: Perhaps, but I Can See For Miles And Miles with binoculars.

rooijan: the sad thing is that I’m doing this from memory alone 🙂

voyager: So you can see the end of the Endless Wire?

voyager: rooijan: that’s not sad, that’s impressive

jerith: I’ve been cheating slightly.

rooijan: there’s a store of useless Who trivia Behind the Blue Eyes of mine hmm – end of the line for these? I guess The Song is Over

** voyager nods. My knowledge is failing. It’s Not Enough.

rooijan: I Don’t Even Know Myself how much I can do

voyager: Who’s Next?

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