Category Archives: humour

The atmosphere was electric!

jerith, voyager42 (Voyager below), Jonathan McKeown and myself had the most pun-filled conversation that I’ve had in ages over Jabber IM recently: here it is in marked up glory. Everything is related to electricity, software or both – if you get all the puns you’re as sad as the four of us are 🙂

Kim: from a recent facebook posting from a friend:
Kim: FirstGuy wants to be a transformer
Kim: Comment from SecondGuy: "You'll have to step up"
Jerith: Wrap a bunch of wire around him and apply a large current?
Kim: What a shocking thing to say!
Jerith: Doesn't my suggestion charge your enthusiasm?
Kim: well, it certainly has potential
Jerith: I'm happy to field questions...
Kim: on the current topic only?
Jerith: I'm not resistant to other topics.
Kim: well then, let's conduct an interview
Kim: perhaps I can induce you to let on more than you should
Jerith: I was about to suggest an inductance process for new partners.
Voyager: Make sure they're not bi-polar
Kim: sounds great - I'm amped about this idea
Jonathan: This conversation is rapidly exceeding my capacitance for puns
Jerith: Jonathan: That makes you an impedance to our plans.
Jonathan: Right that's it - I'm going ohm
Kim: Watt did we say?
Voyager: He hasn't the energy for this
Voyager: He should rather go home and re-charge
Jonathan: I'm going to do a volt-face and stay here
Jonathan: the atmosphere's dielectric
Voyager: Seems a bit static now
Kim: now you're alternating!
Jerith: Was that comment directed at me?
Voyager: That hertz
Kim: At least I only make such comments periodically
Voyager: Perhaps. It was a bit direct, currently
Kim: Imagine what RMS would have had to say
Jerith: Are we integrating him into this circuit now?
Kim: only discretely
Jonathan: he'd probably leave in a fit of pique-to-pique
Jerith: What LED to this decision?
Jerith: I'm sure we can rectify his errors...
Jerith: It should only require a half-wave on our part.
Voyager: Assuming he rates us highly.
Jerith: I thought diode more to his philosophical legacy than I actually do.
Jerith: So perhaps I should be insulated from that particular debate.
Jerith: Can you guys conduct it in my absence?
Kim: perhaps we should avoid such a debate - it can be quite polarising
Voyager: I understand. It may cut too close to the core for comfort.
Kim: little positive can come of it
Jerith: And certain parties have been known to oscillate wildly between viewpoints.
Kim: with remarkable frequency
Jerith: As has been made crystal clear already.
Jonathan: yes, not just two-faced but sometimes three-phased
Voyager: I prefer to be neutral in such situations.
Voyager: Apologies for the delay, my train of thought was just interrupted.
Jonathan: You should take the bus
Kim: that's often not on real-time though
Jonathan: Apparently it even has a bar - the bus-bar
Voyager: Not to worry, the Signal-to-Noise ratio is much better now.
Jerith: The power of public transport to damage schedules is unparalleled.
Voyager: Because it's all serial, not to mention last in first out.
Kim: at least the routes are fairly linear
Voyager: I will have to be excused...I'm getting an upgrade.
Jerith: And I must sadly return my energy to work matters. :-/
Kim: taking a break from this endless circuit?
Jerith: That was more pun than I've had in ages.
Jonathan: yes, you're all such live wires

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Fear not trembling citizen, MAKRO has a plan to survive the Simba shortage

Like tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people, Vicki and I both have a MAKRO card. Yesterday we both received this sms:

While there's a short supply on Simba chips, Lays & Fritos - MAKRO has stocked up on alternate brands. We'll let you know when there's stock again.

What a relief! I’d been so worried about not being able to buy boxes of crisps! I can sleep again!

More seriously, neither of us has ever bought a box of crisps from MAKRO, so it’s not like they targeted customers who have a history of such purchases. I’m speculating, but they seem to have flung the message at all the numbers they have.

Is this issue so important that the cost of many thousands of messages is worth it? Even at say R0.01/sms, it adds up. I guess maybe it shows that boxes of crisps are a big seller and worth the expense of indiscriminate advertising.

Did anyone else receive this sms?

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Jabber: the IM of choice of 9/10 evil maniacal geniuses

pkeike, jerith, voyager42 (Voyager below) and myself had a very amusing conversation over Jabber IM a little while ago: here it is in marked up glory. Let this be a lesson to you: never forget the duck…

Voyager: FOOLS! Now I can take over the world! mmmuahahahaha!!!
***Kim makes a note to contact the specialist and see about having voyager's medication adjusted, yet again
***Jerith plants a small explosive device somewhere in Johan's dirigible.
***Pkeike makes a note to contact the surveillance team and see that voyager is actually having his medication
***Kim makes another note to politely decline future offered lifts in Johan's dirigible
Jerith: Oh, I replaced the dried frogs with sugar pills. Far more interesting that way.
Jerith: I'm thinking of adding caffeine and the merest hint of LSD.
***Voyager makes a note to remind the specialist, surveilance team and bomb squad who they work for
Pkeike: jerith: I was just wondering if his paranoia meds need to be adjusted or forcibly administered
Kim:  I already added the LSD
***Pkeike makes a note to remind the surveillance team of their cover story
Jerith: Tri: They are being correctly taken, it's just that he's on different (and more interesting) meds.
Pkeike: fair enough, social experimentation ftw!
Voyager: But who is experimenting on whom?
Voyager: twitch
Jerith: Everyone on everyone.
Jerith: It's more exciting that way.
Kim:  excellent - the twitching has begun
Kim:  we can proceed to stage 5
Jerith: Umm, I did that last week.
Kim:  prepare the generator and the clamps
Jerith: The twitching should have cleared up by now...
Kim:  you did?
Pkeike: dammit jerith, communicate!
Jerith: Unless you were continuing with stage 3 procedures...
Pkeike: or at least put it on the damned wiki!
Jerith: I left a message in the secondary dead-drop.
Kim:  yes, but you used last months cipher
Kim:  so the message was disregarded, as per agreed protocol
Jerith: Oh, blast. My autoupdate script failed on the encryption module.
Kim:  now we have to "reset" the subject for the umpteenth time
***Kim prepares the mind scrubber
Voyager: You guys are crazy
Pkeike: Good. Standard response received. We may proceed.
Pkeike: Good work Kim
***Voyager notices nothing strange.  crazy==normal, after all
Kim:  excellent
Kim:  I so hate it when the scrubbing fails and a new subject is required
Kim:  subject-acquisition is such a tedious process
Jerith: Especially when you forget the duck.
Kim:  that's why the wiki's HOW-TO page specifically specifies the mallard

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Dragged in by Boris the (web)Spider

I posted an IM message to a chatroom a while ago, and the ensuing conversation was so funny I’ve reproduced it here for the enjoyment of my legions of readers. jerith and voyager42 were the other guys Who took part.

rooijan: An internal email: “Good Afternoon The who has taken the big Stapler from the finance dept. could you PLEASE RETURN it ASAP” Roger Daltrey is here? Anyone have anything I can ask Pete Townshend to sign?

voyager: I’ll bring my camera phone.

** jerith grins.

rooijan: it’s probably a typo though and I got so excited the last time she made a mistake, I think I’ll skip it. I Won’t Get Fooled Again

voyager: touché

jerith: I’m trying to work “Pinball Wizard” or “Pictures of Lily” into the conversation, but failing.

rooijan: the best I’ve got left is that I’ll wander over and pretend to be unimpressed by crying out “Who Are You” and maybe reinforce that by Mooning them

voyager: jerith: It’s Hard to work arbitrary album names into the conversation.

** jerith groans.

voyager: It just is. I Can’t Explain it

rooijan: Substituting the titles in is quite tricky, yes sometimes inspiration strikes though, and it’s Pure and Easy

voyager: Did you hear the old-timer’s version of My Generation on Radio 2000?

jerith: I’ll come up with A Quick One soon, though.

jerith: I didn’t.

rooijan: You Better You Bet I did

voyager: That one could be seen a mile away with the Naked Eye.

rooijan: only if you were The Seeker

jerith: Perhaps, but I Can See For Miles And Miles with binoculars.

rooijan: the sad thing is that I’m doing this from memory alone 🙂

voyager: So you can see the end of the Endless Wire?

voyager: rooijan: that’s not sad, that’s impressive

jerith: I’ve been cheating slightly.

rooijan: there’s a store of useless Who trivia Behind the Blue Eyes of mine hmm – end of the line for these? I guess The Song is Over

** voyager nods. My knowledge is failing. It’s Not Enough.

rooijan: I Don’t Even Know Myself how much I can do

voyager: Who’s Next?

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The dragon of financial matters

I saw this on News of the Weird, and thought it was brilliant:

Three U.S. finance professors, working with business data provided to the government of Denmark, concluded that a company’s profitability usually falls following a death in the CEO’s immediate family. However, the professors found (according to a September Wall Street Journal report), that profitability slightly increased if the family death was that of the CEO’s mother-in-law.

Brilliant!

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Consider this a Papal warning…

Came across this today, and I quite liked it:

Interesting Year: 1981 
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died

Interesting Year: 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died

Lesson Learned?

The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope.

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Time for a laugh

I came across these truly terrific newspaper clippings today, and I figured I should share them. They had me roaring with laughter:



I’m impressed…


And to save the best for last:



Can’t imagine why they didn’t want to tell anyone what happened…

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